“I was at university playing Salieri in Peter Shaffer’s play Amadeus when my dad told me, ‘You’re better than I ever was, or will be. You’ll have a good time doing this. I’m going to support you’. It was a huge thing for a father to say to his son. It was very humbling and moving. One of the reasons I get out of bed in the morning and try to do my best each day is to make them proud.”

Happy 38th birthday Benedict Timothy Carlton Cumberbatch! (7.19.1976)

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from the deleted “Ferry” scene, “Third Star”. 

James and the boat captain having a heart to heart… I can see why this scene was deleted- it’s too direct. The entire film maintains a careful balance of not discussing James’ impending death, and this is almost too corny, too predictable.

But this moment here gutted me. Benedict’s delivery of those two lines is spot on. Gifs can’t do it justice. You really have to watch the clip and listen for the full effect, because it’s fucking heartbreaking.

His first ‘yes’ is strong, casual. As if he’s used to that question, and with the ease of practice he doesn’t mind confessing that yes, he’s in pain. It sounds almost challenging- go on, tell me something I haven’t heard yet. He’s smiling, not a happy smile, but smiling nonetheless. “look at me, defiant in the face of death!”

The second ‘yes’ though… it’s quiet. Defeated. Scared. 

Excuse me while I curl into a ball and cry a puddle on the floor.

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